Wednesday, April 10, 2013
The Salesman and the Baby
A traveling salesman was going through the country, and he stopped at a house, knocked on the door and asked if he could board with them for the night. The old man that owned the place said "Well, you're welcome to stay stranger, but we don't have a lot of room. You can sleep out in the hay loft or you can sleep with the Baby."
"Well,"said the salesman, "I reckon I'll just sleep out in the barn then"
So he went out and made himself a bed int the straw out in the barn up in the loft. In the morning he woke up and heard someone singing. He looked down and saw one of the prettiest women he had ever seen come walking in the Barn with a milk pail. So, he says, "Who're you?"
And she says; "I'm Baby, who're you?"
He says:"I'm a damn fool."
Sunday, April 7, 2013
God Bless the Devil!
Here is a link to a site where you can download it for free, being old and out of print.
Called to Preach
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Preacher and the little Boy with a wagon
Anyways, church is critical. Academic types sometimes talk about kinship networks in the mountains. People navigate these networks everyday. It's one of the reasons that people ask things like "are you so-and-so's young'n?" or "you must be kin to ______." It helps us "place" people, and thereby gain a bit of an understanding about someone you don't know based on people you do. It's actually a pretty handy little social short-cut. Well, churches are a lot like family, and many churches are "family churches" anyhow. When you join a church, you really become a part of that family. In many ways, you insert yourself into that kinship network. That's one reason why people might ask where you go to church. Sure, the type of church might say something about your personality, but it says something about who you know, and maybe where you live.
There are a lot of churches in the mountains...maybe that is an understatement. Seems every little community has one or several. From the outside it might look like there is not a lot of religious diversity, particularly because most of the "meeting houses" have the word Baptist somewhere on a little sign out front. But, honestly there are so many different kinds of Baptists. Southern, Independent, Brethren, Missionary, Primitive, and the list goes on and on. There are a good number of Methodists and Presbyterians (though Loyal Jones says they're really all Baptists in the mountains). I used to drive by an "Apostolic Assembly" church in Glenn Ayre which has always intrigued me.
Lots of churches = lots of preachers, and that might be one reason that there are so many preacher jokes floating around. The plethora of preacher jokes in the mountains, though, probably has to do with a number of factors coming together, like bucking authority, or poking fun at someone if they get a little too self important. Maybe it could have a little something to do with jealously...who knows? Regardless, preachers are a fixture of mountain life, and therefore they take a prominent role in mountain folklore--just like mules, chickens, out-houses, etc. (I dunno, first three things that came to mind).
Oh and by the way, I think the world of my preacher. And have great respect for every preacher or minister I have ever met! So after all of that, here's the first of a few preacher jokes I'll be posting.
A little boy was going down the road with a little red wagon and he met up with a preacher. They started walking together and they hadn't gone very far before one of the wheels fell off of the little boys wagon and the little boy said "Damn!" And the preacher said, "Son, don't say that word," said "next time say 'Lord, help me, Lord fix it for me." The little boy sort of rolled his eyes, put his little wheel back on and they kept walking.
Wasn't long before two wheels fell off, and the boy said "I'll be damned!" and the preacher said, "Now son, don't be saying that word, next time just say "Lord help me, Lord fix it for me." The boy stuck his wheels back on and rolled his eyes, and they kept going.
This time three wheels fell off and again the boy said "Damn!" and the preacher said, "Son, son, don't be cussing like that. Say 'Lord help me, Lord just fix it for me." The little boy grumbled a little and stuck his wheels back on and they kept going.
Finally all four wheels just spun right off and the boy sighed and said "Lord, help me, Lord fix it for me" and the wheels just levitated off of the ground and stuck right back on the little wagon. And the preacher jerked his head back and said: "I'll be damned!"
Thanks to Rick Ward for this joke.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Pat and Mike
For some reason, near about everybody used to make fun of the Irish. I won't delve too deeply into the why's and how's of that. It's a bit complex and it would take me forever to type with my thumbs. A feller named Christie Davies has written a good bit about ethnic humor if you'd like to know more.
Nowadays Irish jokes mostly deal with drinking (which might have something to do with St. Patrick's day), but most Irish jokes used to be what folklorists call "numskull" jokes. The main characters in this country are Pat and Mike and most of the old anecdotes paint them as unbelievably ignorant immigrants. Fresh off the boat, they talk funny, and just don't understand anything about their new home.
These jokes were spread around different ways, via vaudeville, minstrel shows, joke collections, newspapers, and of course, word of mouth. Geo Evans' 1859 book of anecdotes (on kindle, free) is loaded with them, Joe Miller's Jest book from the 1700's even has Irish jokes. Irish ethnic humor in this country most likely stemmed from the flood of Irish to this country at the beginning of the 1800's.
Anyways, we have Irish Jokes in the WNC mountains too where they ain't a lot of Irish-Irish (Scots-Irish does not equal Irish). Most of them follow the numskull formula, but some people even say "uncle Pat and uncle Mike" which is interesting. The best jokes, like the one below, actually manage to turn the joke around on "us." I learned this one from Ray, who got it from his father, born in the 1800s.
Well pat and mike were going through the country, and they come up on a creek baptizing. By this time they had been in the United States long enough that it wasn't the first time they had seen such. This skinny little preacher was leading in this big heavyset woman, and when he went to lean her back her foot slipped and his did too and they both went under. When they come back up, the preacher just happened to be a-stradle her back. Pat turned to Mike and said "Faith in me Christ! I've heard of leading em in and leading em out, but here they lead them in and RIDE em out!
Hey Folks
I started this little blog as an outlet for all of the jokes and tales good people have been kind enough to share with me. Last semester I did a research paper on the Humor of my good friend and mentor, Ray Dellinger. Since then I have been pretty well obsessed with jokes and funny songs. I'll drop off my favorites here. This way I'll be able to put jokes here and I can spare my friends and family from incessantly asking; "do you want to hear a joke? Fair warning though, I might have a hard time refraining from sharing selections from the vast body of crude, impolite, and PG humor that otherwise goes undocumented. People just don't tell jokes much anymore, in the age of "mediatization." Let's try to laugh more and get offended less.