Called to Preach

There's a passage in the Bible where it describes the Final Judgment or Judgment.  It talks about the sheep and the goats.  And this preacher, one Sunday was preaching on that particular scripture, and to illustrate his sermon he asked everyone in the church that was "satisfied with their experience with God, if they knew they'd been born again, that everything was alright between them and the Lord," for them to go to the right side of the church.  And if you were unsure or if you'd never made a confession of faith then you go to the left.

So the congregations separated and most of them tried to get on the right hand side, But this one old guy he'd stand there in the center aisle and he start to go one way and he'd hesitate and he'd go the other way.  And everybody'd separated but him and he was still up there you know. Goin' one way like he couldn't make up his mind.  And the preacher said,

           "Brother, you seem to have a problem making up your mind," 'Said, "I's there any way I can help ye?

           Said, "Well, Brother, I think I'm a pretty good moral man," said "I come to church regular, I try to treat my neighbors right." said,"I tithe regular, come to church ever time the church doors are open."

           He said, "I've got two besettin' sins:" said "every time I get word there's fried chicken," said "I'll make a glutton out of myself, and," Said, "I can't help but look at a good looking woman."

           The preacher slapped his hands and said: " You come up here and sit by me brother, you've been called to preach!"

--Ray Dellinger

Pat and Mike

For some reason, near about everybody used to make fun of the Irish.  I won't delve too deeply into the why's and how's of that.  It's a bit complex and it would take me forever to type with my thumbs.  A feller named Christie Davies has written a good bit about ethnic humor if you'd like to know more. 

Nowadays Irish jokes mostly deal with drinking (which might have something to do with St. Patrick's day), but most Irish jokes used to be what folklorists call "numskull" jokes.  The main characters in this country are Pat and Mike and most of the old anecdotes paint them as unbelievably ignorant immigrants. Fresh off the boat, they talk funny, and just don't understand anything about their new home. 

These jokes were spread around different ways, via vaudeville, minstrel shows, joke collections, newspapers, and of course, word of mouth.  Geo Evans' 1859 book of anecdotes (on kindle, free) is loaded with them, Joe Miller's Jest book from the 1700's even has Irish jokes.  Irish ethnic humor in this country most likely stemmed from the flood of Irish to this country at the beginning of the 1800's. 

Anyways, we have Irish Jokes in the WNC mountains too where they ain't a lot of Irish-Irish (Scots-Irish does not equal Irish).  Most of them follow the numskull formula, but some people even say "uncle Pat and uncle Mike" which is interesting.  The best jokes, like the one below, actually manage to turn the joke around on "us."   I learned this one from Ray, who got it from his father, born in the 1800s.

Well pat and mike were going through the country, and they come up on a creek baptizing.  By this time they had been in the United States long enough that it wasn't the first time they had seen such.  This skinny little preacher was leading in this big heavyset woman, and when he went to lean her back her foot slipped and his did too and they both went under.  When they come back up, the preacher just happened to be a-stradle her back.  Pat turned to Mike and said "Faith in me Christ! I've heard of leading em in and leading em out, but here they lead them in and RIDE em out!