Preacher Paps

This story features two of the most common figures in rural jokelore: the preacher and the mule.  There is even a body of literature devoted to mule folklore, and this semester I consulted a MA thesis dedicated to mules in folk literature.  Many of our preacher jokes probably descended from old world priest jokes (which have been around for a looking time), but this one is probably locally grown.

*********

Preacher Paps got the call to preach while he was going to college down in Mars Hill, and he was called to preach at a little church down in Flag Pond Tennessee.  Every Sunday he would walk all the way to Flag Pond from North Carolina, and eventually the congregation got to feeling bad for him, so they gave him a Mule to ride.  They gave him $2 a week for his preaching and $4 a week to feed his mule.

Well, one Sunday in the middle the wintertime Preacher Paps rode on all the way down into Flagpond and by the time he got there he was almost froze to death and sick and miserable.  He went on in the church, and found that only 3 people had come: the chair of the deacon board and two others. Well it ticked off Paps that he had come all that way in the freezing cold for three people, and he started yelling about how '' you people here dont want to hear the word of God!" And " Shoot, you think more of the Mule than you do me! You pay it twice as much! Maybe the you ought to just let that mule preach next Sunday!"

And the chair of the Deacons just said: "suits me, as far as I see it, we'd just be trading one jack-ass for another!''

It made Preacher Paps so mad that he decided to stay and preach there.  That summer they say he baptized 100 people down there.

The Salesman and the Baby

The following joke is only a little crude.  If you think it's impolite, then you should she what Vance Randolf collected out in the Ozarks.  Unlike most of the folklore collectors in here in the Appalachians, Randolf didn't "clean-up" or disregard material that was bawdy, erotic, or otherwise "un-publishable."  Out of a huge collection, his un-clean tales, jokes, songs, and dance calls, account for something like 25% of the total.  I'm certain that the same ratio would have been reflected here too.  That doesn't mean that everyone liked or shared this type of humor, but some people certainly did, and some still do.


A traveling salesman was going through the country, and he stopped at a house, knocked on the door and asked if he could board with them for the night.  The old man that owned the place said "Well, you're welcome to stay stranger, but we don't have a lot of room.  You can sleep out in the hay loft or you can sleep with the Baby."
"Well,"said the salesman, "I reckon I'll just sleep out in the barn then"

So he went out and made himself a bed int the straw out in the barn up in the loft.  In the morning he woke up and heard someone singing.  He looked down and saw one of the prettiest women he had ever seen come walking in the Barn with a  milk pail.  So, he says, "Who're you?"
And she says; "I'm Baby, who're you?"
He says:"I'm a damn fool."

God Bless the Devil!

My good friend Gary Carden was going to comment on my blog about this book, but some technical issues prevented it.  God Bless the Devil! was put together as part of the WPA writers project and includes great regional tales.  It's a bit dated in presentation and sensitivity, but it's still hilarious.
Here is a link to a site where you can download it for free, being old and out of print. 

Called to Preach

There's a passage in the Bible where it describes the Final Judgment or Judgment.  It talks about the sheep and the goats.  And this preacher, one Sunday was preaching on that particular scripture, and to illustrate his sermon he asked everyone in the church that was "satisfied with their experience with God, if they knew they'd been born again, that everything was alright between them and the Lord," for them to go to the right side of the church.  And if you were unsure or if you'd never made a confession of faith then you go to the left.

So the congregations separated and most of them tried to get on the right hand side, But this one old guy he'd stand there in the center aisle and he start to go one way and he'd hesitate and he'd go the other way.  And everybody'd separated but him and he was still up there you know. Goin' one way like he couldn't make up his mind.  And the preacher said,

           "Brother, you seem to have a problem making up your mind," 'Said, "I's there any way I can help ye?

           Said, "Well, Brother, I think I'm a pretty good moral man," said "I come to church regular, I try to treat my neighbors right." said,"I tithe regular, come to church ever time the church doors are open."

           He said, "I've got two besettin' sins:" said "every time I get word there's fried chicken," said "I'll make a glutton out of myself, and," Said, "I can't help but look at a good looking woman."

           The preacher slapped his hands and said: " You come up here and sit by me brother, you've been called to preach!"

--Ray Dellinger

Preacher and the little Boy with a wagon

Most people in the mountains take their religion very seriously.  The church, without a doubt, is the most important community fixture and gathering place.  Sure, Helen's restaurant is pretty central, and football and basketball still bring a bunch of people together in one place.  Billy's Quick Mart (not sure who owns it or what the gas station is called anymore) is a meeting place still.  I suppose I can't leave out old Wall-mart...as much as I'd like to. 

Anyways, church is critical.  Academic types sometimes talk about kinship networks in the mountains.  People navigate these networks everyday.  It's one of the reasons that people ask things like "are you so-and-so's young'n?" or "you must be kin to ______."  It helps us "place" people, and thereby gain a bit of an understanding about someone you don't know based on people you do.  It's actually a pretty handy little social short-cut.  Well, churches are a lot like family, and many churches are "family churches" anyhow.  When you join a church, you really become a part of that family.  In many ways, you insert yourself into that kinship network.  That's one reason why people might ask where you go to church.  Sure, the type of church might say something about your personality, but it says something about who you know, and maybe where you live.

There are a lot of churches in the mountains...maybe that is an understatement.  Seems every little community has one or several.  From the outside it might look like there is not a lot of religious diversity, particularly because most of the "meeting houses" have the word Baptist somewhere on a little sign out front.  But, honestly there are so many different kinds of Baptists.  Southern, Independent, Brethren, Missionary, Primitive, and the list goes on and on.  There are a good number of Methodists and Presbyterians (though Loyal Jones says they're really all Baptists in the mountains).  I used to drive by an "Apostolic Assembly" church in Glenn Ayre which has always intrigued me.

Lots of churches = lots of preachers, and that might be one reason that there are so many preacher jokes floating around.  The plethora of preacher jokes in the mountains, though, probably has to do with a number of factors coming together, like bucking authority, or poking fun at someone if they get a little too self important.  Maybe it could have a little something to do with jealously...who knows?  Regardless, preachers are a fixture of mountain life, and therefore they take a prominent role in mountain folklore--just like mules, chickens, out-houses, etc. (I dunno, first three things that came to mind).

Oh and by the way, I think the world of my preacher.  And have great respect for every preacher or minister I have ever met!  So after all of that, here's the first of a few preacher jokes I'll be posting.

A little boy was going down the road with a little red wagon and he met up with a preacher.  They started walking together and they hadn't gone very far before one of the wheels fell off of the little boys wagon and the little boy said "Damn!"  And the preacher said, "Son, don't say that word," said "next time say 'Lord, help me, Lord fix it for me."  The little boy sort of rolled his eyes, put his little wheel back on and they kept walking.
Wasn't long before two wheels fell off, and the boy said "I'll be damned!" and the preacher said, "Now son, don't be saying that word, next time just say "Lord help me, Lord fix it for me."  The boy stuck his wheels back on and rolled his eyes, and they kept going.
This time three wheels fell off and again the boy said "Damn!" and the preacher said, "Son, son, don't be cussing like that.  Say 'Lord help me, Lord just fix it for me."  The little boy grumbled a little and stuck his wheels back on and they kept going.
Finally all four wheels just spun right off and the boy sighed and said "Lord, help me, Lord fix it for me" and the wheels just levitated off of the ground and stuck right back on the little wagon.  And the preacher jerked his head back and said: "I'll be damned!"

Thanks to Rick Ward for this joke.

Pat and Mike

For some reason, near about everybody used to make fun of the Irish.  I won't delve too deeply into the why's and how's of that.  It's a bit complex and it would take me forever to type with my thumbs.  A feller named Christie Davies has written a good bit about ethnic humor if you'd like to know more. 

Nowadays Irish jokes mostly deal with drinking (which might have something to do with St. Patrick's day), but most Irish jokes used to be what folklorists call "numskull" jokes.  The main characters in this country are Pat and Mike and most of the old anecdotes paint them as unbelievably ignorant immigrants. Fresh off the boat, they talk funny, and just don't understand anything about their new home. 

These jokes were spread around different ways, via vaudeville, minstrel shows, joke collections, newspapers, and of course, word of mouth.  Geo Evans' 1859 book of anecdotes (on kindle, free) is loaded with them, Joe Miller's Jest book from the 1700's even has Irish jokes.  Irish ethnic humor in this country most likely stemmed from the flood of Irish to this country at the beginning of the 1800's. 

Anyways, we have Irish Jokes in the WNC mountains too where they ain't a lot of Irish-Irish (Scots-Irish does not equal Irish).  Most of them follow the numskull formula, but some people even say "uncle Pat and uncle Mike" which is interesting.  The best jokes, like the one below, actually manage to turn the joke around on "us."   I learned this one from Ray, who got it from his father, born in the 1800s.

Well pat and mike were going through the country, and they come up on a creek baptizing.  By this time they had been in the United States long enough that it wasn't the first time they had seen such.  This skinny little preacher was leading in this big heavyset woman, and when he went to lean her back her foot slipped and his did too and they both went under.  When they come back up, the preacher just happened to be a-stradle her back.  Pat turned to Mike and said "Faith in me Christ! I've heard of leading em in and leading em out, but here they lead them in and RIDE em out!

Hey Folks

I started this little blog as an outlet for all of the jokes and tales good people have been kind enough to share with me.  Last semester I did a research paper on the Humor of my good friend and mentor, Ray Dellinger.  Since then I have been pretty well obsessed with jokes and funny songs.  I'll drop off my favorites here.  This way I'll be able to put jokes here and I can spare my friends and family from incessantly asking; "do you want to hear a joke?  Fair warning though, I might have a hard time refraining from sharing selections from the vast body of crude, impolite, and PG humor that otherwise goes undocumented.  People just don't tell jokes much anymore, in the age of "mediatization." Let's try to laugh more and get offended less.